New love: Beverly Hills 90210

hello again. its been a long time. duh there has been ups and downs during the weeks of absence. I guess its better to blog abt the better stuff that has happened lately. First of all, our medical centre got 92 points for our audit! how cool is that. i contributed ok, by doing the hand washing technique to the auditor. wahhaha.

last friday i was dead bored and i decided to give Beverly Hills 90210 a try. so i downloaded got all 11 episodes so far and watched them all by sunday! now i am bored again. For those who love gossip girl, you will like 90210. Its lighter than gossip girls definitely but i prefer the cast of 90210. (sorry Blair, hello Silver)

ok guys, i know the first thing you wanna know is- are there any hot girls. well, you decide. say hello to Silver and Annie. (Silver’s mine! gosh i sound bimbotic here)

now, i am targeting another show on tv- The Middleman. heard abt it in Life today. from the first episode it looks kinda cool. we shall see. i am obtaining it nowwwwwww.

on leave till friday! what shall i do? uh huh! go for driving lessons maybe! finally passed BTT and got my green 11b-ish PDL.

what a week..

finally my tiring week has ended with this blog entry.

monday i had moonlight marshal rehearsal at the actual campsite. waste of time. 2 days 1 night of MLM and 1 rehearsal really puts your mood down. you have to focus so much you dont really have to care whats going on outside of the activity. yet i still found some time to care for you. life’s so exciting isnt it? sometimes when you expect things to go your way, they don’t and you end up disappinted.

anyway was on leave on friday and i took my first practice at Basic theory! must admit its actually quite easy. no wonder you need to get 90% instead of 50%. haha. but there are ome stuff that you wont know if you didnt read through. but i believe those questions will hardly affect your score. i waited and waited and waited and waited and waited for your sms and waited and waited and waited and waited for your reply when i smsed you instead. i took the liberty to take some medicinns for you. willing to travel to somewhere convenient for you. but i got nothing. dont ask me why i didnt call instead cos i ot ticked off alr. i gave the benefit of the doubt that maybe you are so sick you slept the whole day. but i got nth that night when i smsed again. and neither have i gotten a reply now. why? true that its my choice to help. but is it entirely unreasonable to be mad attbeing taken for granted. i waited like fool. i have had enough.

treat your friends better. dont let your personal feelings for someone else affect the way you treat your friends. they are human too. have the decency to reply, to inform, to acknowledge. treat them the way you want them to treat you or you will lose them. just like how you are about to lose one now. i dont deserve this.

i wish you all the best in life. and no people, i am not being emo. i just dont like being taken for granted. i am sure you will understand my actions when you have gone through it. i have better friends to care for.

enough of you. today i had my RT cover at Khatib Camp. it was horrid to wake up at 6am on a sunday morning and then thinking abt the next day’s duty. yes, i am on duty on deepavali! how nice. but its ok. this mth i get to claim 2.5 day off plus one less duty next mth. haha. gonna accumulate my offs and whack them before i ORD. anyw i had fun yesterday with shu, pam and baldwin. we visited Hadi! our dear prison warden friend from medic course. he’s still on cructches! poor guy. hahah we took a damn long bus from his house to far east plaza. wndow shopped for awhile before making my way home to rest for today’s morning cover.

meet again soon! all the best for Brunei!

Oscar

as promised, here are pictures of my new dog! he loves to bite man. thks to sis for the photos.

it’s been awhile

sorry for the long absence ! much has happened in the few weeks that i have not blogged

firstly i am sick, like whats new. sick since last friday and now i am losing my voice. shit. tts bad man. pretty much settled in my new medical centre in DB. been on duty on my own twice last week. its been manageable luhh. sorta used to it alr.

secondly, we got a new dog today. yes, we are over Brownie! i am sure he is resting in peace. (:

we got a new golden retriever! born 19 june this year. so he’s abt 4 mths old soon? his name is oscar! haha. so far he loves smelling our feet. he’s in confinement now cos he needs to be toilet trained. we as a family are hoping to make amends and treat him well. no more human food for this dog. he shall stick to only his food so he wont fall sick so easily. i heard he will grow fast for the next few mths. will upload photos very soon!

25/11/08 Basic Theory Test! been attending lessons with kok siang at bukit batok driving centre. we are progressing really fast. i already feel the pinch in my pocket. as we progress, we have to fork out more and more money. lucky BTT practise is $2 otherwise i think i will just go without preparation.save save SAVING time.

met little one today at united square. tried to help her but stressed her more instead. i cant help her much cos i threw all A level info away already. so i passed her some useful books of mine and taught her a way of revising effectively. she’s still rusty here and there. i wont be surprised if she felt sian just now after struggling for awhile. its ok. you still have some time. work hard. burn sleeping hours and everything will be just fine. (; little one is a very nice girl to go out with. nice to see her smile. makes her more pretty. so smile more ok!

thats all for this week. will blog soonnn with pictures.

And he kicks the bucket..

euthenics may seem cruel but for browny’s case, i guess its the best and least painful way. i saw him and patted him for the last time last night but i didnt stay to watch his death. i heard it took a few seconds. i am glad really, my prayers have been answered. Rest in peace my boy! we will meet again one day. i am sure

An Apology

its sad that i cant feed you again and watch you play along as i hide your food.

its sad that i cant hug you and watch your tail wag.

its sad that i cant watch you enjoy as i rub your once big belly.

its even more sad to watch a piece of me wither away.

i am sorry i took you for granted sometimes and i am sorry for being a jerk as to apologise when you are in this state.

i am sorry i scolded you when you were noisy.

i am sorry for not taking care of you when auntie is not around, thus you have to be taken care in a ‘day care centre’ resulting in the deterioration of your health.

i am sorry i cant help you in anyway to ease your pain.

i am sorry i cant spend time with you though your days are numbered.

i am really sorry to be a bad owner.

i love you, wholeheartedly. i won’t forget you as you are my best friend, my brother, my companion and my listening ear.

when you leave, i know you fought for your life. just know that we fought together with you and we did all we could, but age has caught up on you and there’s nth we can all do abt it.

promise me you will watch over us when you go.

please, promise me you will be there for me when i need you

justin.

denial

i lied to my family that i was held up in camp and missed my family dinner (where dad was to leave the next day for the States. SORRY DAD) so i could rush to plaza singapura to get your gift but you didnt have the time the next day.

i almost sold my barrack orderly tomorrow for $50 and a pack of cigarettes so i could somehow pass you your belated presents tomorrow but you didnt have time.

koi suddenly told me something, that was supposed to hurt me, just last night. he said i wasnt given the respect for all the stuff i have done for her. why wld i bother buying her stuff she likes when she didnt even wanna meet me. he said she was being insincere and pushing me away cold bloodedly. somehow i didnt feel anything when he said all those stuff. is it because i cant accept that she is like that? or is it because i know she isnt like that?

i have totally no idea. maybe its fated i have to live my life like this. maybe a horrible creature like me is meant to have a life like that. i dont know. and i hope not.  sometimes i just feel like pouring out my feelings to her. but i know it will scare her and soon our friendship too will be destroyed. i am contemplating if i shld do that. confess and scare and end off with a bang.

ultimately, wherever she is, whatever she is doing, whoever she is with, i just want her to be happy for she has one of the most beautiful smile in the world. and i am not trying to be cheesy. i am saying this from the bottom of my heart. though i know we may not be together, i know my feelings for her are true and i am really willing to wait. its a risk i have been taking all these years. i made a wrong decision 4 years ago. it seemed like i moved on. perhaps xy was too friendly with me. i got caught in confusion, went for her for awhile before realising its a stupid mistake. i was mean, hoping xy wld be a good substitute but i really dont know what went into my head. what was i thinking? its easy to create an impression and its easy to kill one. it just takes one misunderstanding to blow it all away.

all i can say now, though its of not much use, is that while i went for xy, you was constantly on my mind. i was trying and trying with no response of how i was doing. was i successful? so on my part, i apologise for the xy incident. i really regret that dreadful moment of thinking of chasing xy when i know i had 0 feelings for her. sorry xy and sorry to you too.

i lived in fear of you finding out i went after xy after i stopped getting closer to her. i was thinking of my next move and i decided to think more after my olevels since i promised to wait. but whatever happened next in sec4 was a big blow. i knew it was a punishment for what i did to you and xy. the supposed breaking of my promise. thus i had to make the painful option of letting you go and encouraging sung instead. i was ready to accept the 2 of u tgt but i wasnt ready for what celine had to tell me that day. i am sorry.

i keep harping on the past not because of any reason but for the very fact that i love you. right from the moment i saw you in sec 1 i knew you are the girl i would be waiting for a long time coming. 3 years on, my feelings for you are still the same. i am sure your feelings for me are no longer the same.

i feel sad sometimes especially when i am missing you. i wonder if you are fine, are your new friends good to you. i am glad they are. i miss our fun times in secondary school. i am sure if i say this your reply wld be- those are the past, move on. but i am stubborn. its ok for me to keep hurting over you cause its my love for you that overwhelms it all. i am just glad you are happy wherever you are celebrating right now.

happy belated 19th birthday.

back to reallity and barrack orderly. hey it rhymes! whatever justin, still have mood to joke.

stay home saturday ..

don’t be sad justin, life’s like that.

stay home saturday for me. watched Chuck season 1 again, this time with my sister. enjoyable actually. its a brilliant series ! a must watch. other than that, i have been listening to sad songs, sulking on my bad luck. bad timing i guess. i cant help it if she’s too busy. don’t worry justin,  its a small matter. the presents will end up with her eventually. one day. just be patient.

whatever.

what is IV

here is the final product of a complete IV with a 16G needle.

anyway after 7 weeks in BMc, i realised i have learnt quite a number of skills. they are basic enough to save lives and i am thankful for being a medic. yes, those needles hurt but still, when someone needs to be saved, who cares about the pain from the poke of the needle man. 2 more weeks to end of course. i cant wait for it to end. lets see where i will be posted to. haha.

at times, i really feel that you really detest me. or that i am a really bad guy who did really bad stuff in the past. i am waiting patiently for an opening. i really wanna ask you out but is it too much? is it too obvious? i dont know, only you know. i miss you.

move on? easier said then done

if you hate stuff that sound damn emo, then er dun bother reading this post.

its been 7 years and i believe i still love her. i let slip in sec 3 and i have been paying for my tough luck. while most have told me to move on, i believed i have not. its not that i dont wanna try to move on. believe me, i have tried my best but i end up missing and thinking of the same girl. 3 times i thought i really found someone else and all 3 times i was wrong. and i end up being an asshole. so now, enough is enough. i am tired of trying to move on. i am tired of cheating myself. and i am tired of pretending. since i have waited 7 years, why not wait longer.

its against my conscience to chase her while she’s still with him. though far apart they may be, i still cant. i cant pull myself to do such a hideous thing as to chase her. i guess i can only be her friend, a good friend. but how to when i sometimes feel that she’s drawing a big fat line between how much i can care for her. how often shld i sms her? i am sure she will find it annoying at some point of time. how often shld i ask her out? twice a week? once a month? all i know is that i fear she may be too busy for an ordinary friend like me.

we met for lunch yesterday. she’s still the same girl i chased, the same girl i knew and the same girl i love. believe me when i say that i have never felt that happy for a long time. its been a long time since we met. i missed those chasing times. those times when i wld tease her. those times when i cld make her laugh out loud. and i did those stuff yesterday. its just so nice to see her smile again. i miss her smile.

at times, i really had the urge to just give her a big warm hug, a hug i shld have given her a long time ago. but i know i shldnt. i tried my best to mask whatever feelings i have for her yesterday. i tried to act like machiam i am meeting an old classmate. i hope it worked.

its back to reality tmr. BMC resumes, i am in camp, she starts uni. i will be forgotten if i dont keep in contact with her. i know that, everyone knows that. sometimes i wonder how i can pass each day. all i have left to motivate me to pass each long day is a picture of the two of us. a picture of 2 old secondary classmates.